4. HOW TO FORGIVE HIM
A story of forgiving.
I read hundreds of self-help stories on infidelity and how to cope with it. Much was uplifting and did help me learn to deal with the pain but honestly, sitting at work on your computer reading a guide on how to manage your feelings and putting that advise to work for you when you are sitting across from the guy who hurt you, is a whole different ballgame. And when the guy who hurt you keeps mum about what he did and you only have half of a story and the other half is what your mind makes up, it is even more difficult to handle the pain.
In the past, when a man did me wrong it was always an easy fix. I kicked the guy out and moved on. It was not easy but it was not difficult either. I knew that I would never be able to feel the same after being betrayed. But, this guy is different. There is love and there is a connection I never had with anyone else. He is my great love. When you love, you learn to forgive. It’s not easy but it’s possible. But, it takes great strength. You will have those moments when you lash out because the anger overtakes you. I will sit in my car going through scenarios of what I will say to him. I have the whole script made up and I sound so friking convincing. Yes, I will tell him all that and he will cave and tell me he is sorry but then, when I walk in the door I know it’s better not to start the conversation again. The conversation that is going in circles and does nothing but scratch up wounds that will never heal if not left alone. So, after the last fight, the one that made me think he is for sure going to leave this time, I promised myself I would start to forgive and forget. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not completely healed I still get angry, I still get sad, I still question “Why?” but I don’t talk about it with him anymore. I don’t talk to him about it because it makes no difference. I already decided to stay with him and each time I bring up his indiscretion, it just makes both of us feel bad and certainly brings on a fight. Life is too short for that.
A story of forgiving.
I read hundreds of self-help stories on infidelity and how to cope with it. Much was uplifting and did help me learn to deal with the pain but honestly, sitting at work on your computer reading a guide on how to manage your feelings and putting that advise to work for you when you are sitting across from the guy who hurt you, is a whole different ballgame. And when the guy who hurt you keeps mum about what he did and you only have half of a story and the other half is what your mind makes up, it is even more difficult to handle the pain.
In the past, when a man did me wrong it was always an easy fix. I kicked the guy out and moved on. It was not easy but it was not difficult either. I knew that I would never be able to feel the same after being betrayed. But, this guy is different. There is love and there is a connection I never had with anyone else. He is my great love. When you love, you learn to forgive. It’s not easy but it’s possible. But, it takes great strength. You will have those moments when you lash out because the anger overtakes you. I will sit in my car going through scenarios of what I will say to him. I have the whole script made up and I sound so friking convincing. Yes, I will tell him all that and he will cave and tell me he is sorry but then, when I walk in the door I know it’s better not to start the conversation again. The conversation that is going in circles and does nothing but scratch up wounds that will never heal if not left alone. So, after the last fight, the one that made me think he is for sure going to leave this time, I promised myself I would start to forgive and forget. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not completely healed I still get angry, I still get sad, I still question “Why?” but I don’t talk about it with him anymore. I don’t talk to him about it because it makes no difference. I already decided to stay with him and each time I bring up his indiscretion, it just makes both of us feel bad and certainly brings on a fight. Life is too short for that.
